Monday, October 29, 2007

Trying to return to my old self

Is it wrong to miss someone who has left you for unknown reasons? Is it wrong to still want to be with the person who left your heart in a thousand pieces? Is it wrong to love someone who doesn't want to do anything to do with you anymore?

It was said in the movie London (starring Jessica Biel, Chris Evans, Jason Statham) that "It takes a third of the amount of time to recover from a relationship as the relationship was long. So for example, if the relationship lasted a year you'll be good in 4 months, 2 years you'll be clean in 8."

Normally I wouldn't write my personal musings here (I usually talk about them through YM) or I'd write a poem regarding such. The reason behind this is two-fold. The first part is for the past months I haven't finished a single poem I've started on. Even my novel has been somewhat neglected. It seems I am bereft of the inspiration that I was once overflowing with. The second part is I don't to be too much of a bother to my friends. I know my friends tell me that I am not a bother when i buzz them out of the blue and I know they truly mean it. But I also understand that they are also busy with their own situations in life. This was the only way for me to ease the burden in my chest.

6 years and 7 months. Those were the best times of my life. Smiles, tears, laughters and cheers. I cherished each and every moment. I was the happiest person in the whole world.

1 year and 3 months. The most trying times in my life. I never wanted to wake up knowing I've lost the most important person in my life. Stumbling through the months. If not for friends, who lent their hands, who carried part of my burdens, I would have fallen into the abyss.

I've tried to move on. I spent time with friends which eased the pain a lot. Yet there were times that the sadness silently crept in. For a time I thought I could live my life without thinking about her, for a time I did. But now I realize that was not who I am and I was running away from the pain. I gave my heart and my life for her and eventhough it might cause me pain from here on, still no one can replace her. I don't dispute the advice given to me by my friends, but I know I can't be anyone else but me.

With these things said, I hope I can return to who I was, be at peace with myself and find my inspiration once again.

Thanks to each and everyone who has stayed by my side, given me advice and listened to my pains. (my blockmates, cherry, mshel, steph, cha, tina, ash, khen, riza, joyce, joan, tweety, marvin, lester, mon and lea)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

LOVE'S SWEETER THE SECOND TIME AROUND (from verse 2)

People say love’s sweeter the second time around
I guess their theory is quite sound
Cause my love for you is twice as strong
Compared to the one I felt for someone else before

The second chance that love had given to me
Wasn’t what I really expected it to be
In fact it was even better that I ever imagined
It was well, sort of a mystical feeling

People say opportunity never knocks twice
But here it is knocking at my door and it’s no lie
Of course I accepted the chance to love again
And so I fell in love with my best friend

I knew that love had given me a rare opportunity
To have someone who loves me, finally
I wasted no time to try to win her affections
I showed her that I only had good intentions

After long days of waiting she finally said, “Yes”
It was the happiest moment in my life, the very best
Truly love is sweeter the second time around
Just look at me and look at what I’ve found

YOU"RE MY ANGEL (from verse 2)

You were always there at my side
Watching over me as time went by
Constantly guarding me from the harshness of life
Always protecting me from morning ‘til night

Whenever I was on the verge of falling to temptation
You were always there to save me from humiliation
And at times when I committed mistakes
You always showed me the right path to take

Whenever I feel engulfed by total darkness
Whenever I feel I’m losing my senses
You brought light to show me the way
To keep me from going astray

Whenever I cried because I succumbed to my fears
You were always there to comfort me and dry my tears
During the times I felt so alone and so cold
You were there to warm me, making me brave and bold

I know now that you truly are my angel
For you were always there when I was in danger
I want to thank you for always saving me
I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for thee

RAINBOW'S END (from verse 3)

After the rain has finished it’s crying
And the sun comes out bright and shining
A magical and colorful rainbow will appear
Making all my pain and sorrow disappear

To see a rainbow appear on a cloudless sky
 Gives you an uplifting feeling which can’t be denied
To see it’s vibrant colors brightly glowing
Deep inside it gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling

A rainbow sometimes symbolizes luck
And that’s what I need to get back on the right track
Cause ever since I’ve never been lucky at love
That’s why I’ve always been praying for a sign from above

When I see a rainbow it gives me hope
When I feel like I’m at the end of my rope
They say at the rainbow's end lies a pot of gold
All I’m hoping for is someone who’ll hold me when it’s cold

That’s what I wish to find on the rainbow’s end
I know this seems like a fairy tale, one you have read
But to me it’s more than that, it’s a chance
Though very small I’ll willingly give everything up

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

MAD RAVINGS OF A SOOTHSAYER (from the lost verse)

Shimmering wings bring uncertain futures
Dark shadows altering the course of nature
Arising from the ashes are illuminated creatures
Bringing forth to the world, destruction and failure

Trying to stay away from temptation’s allure
Searching in vain for a nonexistent cure
Faith shatters, leaving one unsure
Polluting the innocent and demure

Author's Note: Poetry from the lost verse are dark and may be disturbing to some. Read with                       caution.

BLUER THAN BLUE (from verse 3)

I can’t seem to get my life straight
Ever since that sudden twist of fate
I can’t seem to do anything right
Since you decided to get out of my life

I’ve forgotten how to smile and feel happy
Since you went away, I’ve always been crying
I’ve been feeling depressed and miserable
Ever since that day I’ve never been stable

I’ve never felt so alone and isolated
Ever since that fateful event I’ve been devastated
I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this slump
Since that time you decided I should be dumped

I can’t sleep and my mind’s a total mess
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve been very distressed
It’s been real dark and cold without you
Ever since you left, I’ve been bluer than blue

Only time can tell if I can get back on my feet
Only fate can decide if I can come back from defeat
Till that day comes, till I am over you
I’ll stay like this, I’ll always be bluer than blue

IT MIGHT BE YOU (from verse 2)

There’s something about you that I just can’t explain
What magic do you possess to make me feel this way?
You sometimes make me feel nervous and queasy
I feel I have to do everything right when you’re with me

My heart beats so fast as if it wants to leap out
Every time you smile at me when you’re around
My mind is always filled with thoughts of you
These are just a few reasons that tell me it might be you

You’re a very special girl it’s no doubt
Cause you still look cute even when you pout
You’ve captured my heart with your sweetness
And I know it’s you that can take away my loneliness

You’re a picture of perfection, everything I ever wanted
You’re beautiful, smart, kind, and warm-hearted
You’re the girl of my dreams, my princess
You’re the one who can fill my life’s emptiness

You always knew how to make me smile
You always made me forget my worries for a while
You always gave me something to hold on to
And it’s telling me it might be you

LETTING GO (from verse 1)

Letting go of you
Is a hard thing to do
Cause I’ve fallen in love with you
Believe me what I’m saying is true

Each time I try to remember
The happy times we shared together
It would always make me cry
And wish that I would die

Cause I can’t stop thinking of you
And I’m still in love with you
I can’t just forget thee
Cause you meant a lot to me

I cannot let you go
Cause my love for you, I want to show
Forgetting you is what you want me to do
But I can’t do this cause I’m still in love with you

WISHING ON A LUCKY STAR (from verse 2)

Every night I would look up in the heavens
Waiting for a sign, for something to happen
I have wished on countless stars
Still unable to find the lucky one

I would wish that I could find my soul mate
And yet again and again I couldn’t find a date
Then it happened, one almost starless night
I saw a bright star, it was such a beautiful sight

Again I wished that I could meet the right person
Then the next day as if on cue I met you
That was the start of a fairy tale romance
The one where I get to have you as my last dance

Since then I have been thanking that lucky star
For making my wish come true as I wished on it from afar
Now I’m the luckiest person, no can say I’m not right
Thanks to that one lucky star on that magical night

18 YEARS (from verse 3)

The sands of time slide by ever so quickly
For now you’ve already become a lady
Gone are the days when you were considered a child
Now you are treated with elegance and pride

Like a butterfly that comes out of a cocoon
You’re already grown up, was it a little too soon
Ageless innocence has evolved into timeless wisdom
18 years has passed, a new experience has begun

As I end this rashly made poem, I leave some words of advice
From someone not quite that old and not quite that wise
Challenges and obstacles will always come your way
But from your chosen path never ever go astray

Author's Note: This poem was dedicated to my sister on her 18th birthday

Monday, August 27, 2007

FOR THE GIRL WITH AN EVERLASTING SMILE (from verse 3)

Since the day I first saw you
You’ve been wearing that smile constantly
Such a smile is very contagious
You make everyone around you feel happy

I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl
Who doesn’t seem to worry, who always smiles
Making the world look brighter, seem nicer
And makes everyone’s hardships seem worthwhile

Your smile is warmer than the first day of summer
It’s fresher than flowers in a spring morning
Your smile is sweeter than sugar or the purest honey
It’s more exquisite than a diamond ring

Your smile touches everyone’s hearts
Joy and laughter to them it imparts
May you never lose your everlasting smile
I hope it stays with you until the end of time

THE SEARCH IS OVER (from verse 2)

All my life I’ve looked for the right one
And every time I end up with no one
Every attempt I make ends as a failure
Every lead I get turns up to be a dead end

I continued with my lifelong search
All my hardships seem fruitless
For I still haven’t found her
And it seems that I might never

I’ve almost given up on this frantic search
To the point of thrashing all my research
Of where to find that right girl for me
And when will I know if she was meant to be

Then one night I had an amazing dream
That I’ve already found the love of my life, my queen
She was always with me and I was too blind to see
That she was the only one that really cared about me

Finally all my prayers have been answered
And all my wishes have been granted
I’ve found the girl I want to be mine
The search is over she was right here all this time

SEARCHING FOR HER (from verse 2)

In the stillness of the night one is able to ponder
One is able to realize a lot, your thoughts seem to run forever
As I gaze on the cloudy and starless skies above
I asked myself when will I find true love

I started wondering have I been searching the wrong places
Where will I find the one that makes my heart beat the fastest?
The one who’ll comfort me when I’m sad, cuddle me when I’m cold
The one I’ll cherish in my heart ‘til we both grow old

As days turn into months and months turn into years
I’m suddenly faced with one of my greatest fears
Has my search been for nothing, will I never find her?
I’ve been searching for so long and yet I haven’t found her

So I made a wish to the heavens above that I may find the girl for me
And as if on cue a shooting star appeared as bright as can be
Maybe it’s a sign of good will from the stars, so I mustn’t give up
Maybe someday she’ll come, but for now I’ll keep on looking

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My Fantasy/Sci-Fi Movie Wall (does not include movies from my previous movie wall)

                           
               
                                                                   
  •                             Prince and the Pauper                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Voyage of the Unicorn                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Snow Queen                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Odyssey                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Moby Dick                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Lost Empire                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Mists of Avalon                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Merlin:The Return                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Lion in Winter                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             La Femme Musketeer                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             King Solomon's Mines (2004)                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Journey to the Center of the Earth                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Jason and the Argonauts                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Jack and the Beanstalk - The Real Story                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Hans Christian Andersen: My Life as a Fairy Tale                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Gulliver's Travels                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Frankenstein                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Dinotopia                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Hercules (2005)                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Cleopatra                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Blackbeard                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Arabian Nights                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Alice in Wonderland                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             5ive Days to Midnight                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Ladyhawke                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Thief Lord                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Ivanhoe                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Hawk the Slayer                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Sword and the Sorcerer                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Hogfather                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Ring of the Nibelungs (Dark Kingdom: The Dragon King)(Sword of Xanten)                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Excalibur                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Hansel & Gretel                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Indian in the Cupboard                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Legend                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Little Prince                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Prince Valiant                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Adventures of Baron Munchausen                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Tristan & Isolde                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Wing Commander                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Witches                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             The Last Starfighter                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The Movie                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II - The Secret of the Ooze                                                   
  •                                            
  •                             Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III                                                   
  •                                        
  • .
  •                
               
Flixster
               
                                                                                                   
.
               
               

Monday, August 20, 2007

UNTITLED (from verse 3)

Speak not the words I want to hear
Tell me straight from your heart what you truly feel
I have no need for words that mean lies
I want what’s real when I look in your eyes

I’m going to love you as you are, not as someone else
I won’t try to change you to what I think is ideal or the best
You should also love me as I am no need for comparisons
Take me as you see me, not for other reasons

We should accept each other’s faults
Truly nobody is perfect as cliché as it may be
True love is keeping everything honest and real
There’s no reason for hiding what we really feel

We will argue about some things and make compromises
We should both take the blame when the time arises
Love forgets all the shortcomings and misgivings
Love allows second chances and forgiving

REGRETS (from verse 1)

I guess we were not meant to be
You were not for me
I wish these things weren’t true
Cause I’m so in love with you

If I had told you “I Love You” sooner
Maybe things would have turned our better
We could have been together
And spent more time with each other

But I was so slow
And I guess I didn’t know
That you were falling in love with someone
Who’s more handsome than I am

I really wish you’d change your mind
Cause I don’t know if I’ll ever find
Someone just like you
Who can take away all my blues

I regret the decisions I made
Cause none of them turned out okay
If I could just turn back time
I’d change my decisions, so that you would be mine

SORRY (from verse 2)

I’m sorry for the times I made you cry
I really didn’t mean to hurt you deep inside
I’m sorry if sometimes I just become quiet
I didn’t mean to, but sometimes I get easily upset

I’m sorry if sometimes you feel left out
I didn’t mean to do that, it’s true without a doubt
I’m sorry for the times I’m too much of a joker
I didn’t know that it didn’t always bring you laughter

I’m sorry if sometimes I’m too insistent
To the point of becoming very persistent
I didn’t mean to make you feel very annoyed
To the point of being too much irritated

I’m sorry for making you feel sad
I didn’t mean to make you feel that bad
I’m sorry that I have too many faults
I know that I should lock them up in a vault

I’m really sorry for the things I did wrong
I know sorry is not enough to make you sing our song
But I’m leaving you with this sincere promise
I’ll change cause the happy times we share, I miss

BROKEN PROMISES (from verse 5)

The passing of time brings about the constancy of change
What once was can never be the same
Vows spoken are gradually forgotten
What once was strong has eventually weakened

The ties that bind us to stay forever
Has loosened and cannot be remembered
Words whose weight was more than gold
Slowly lightened and was cast aside as old

The special moments in our lives
Our first kiss, our first year, our first valentine’s
Should have been etched forever in our hearts
Little by little had started to fade and tear apart

I thought our love would last till the end of time
I was so sure that it would always be you and I
But when the dust had settled, the only thing that I could see
Were the broken promises that you had left for me

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Tentative Completion Date for book 1 of the Allora Trilogy

Start:     Jan 1, '09
End:     Dec 31, '09
Location:     Philippines
*Pushing the completion date to next year. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I experienced a writer's block. I don't know exactly when I'll be able to finish it, so for those who are waiting for it, I'm truly sorry.

*As of now (August 17, 2007), Book 1 is 40% completed. I've completed the chapter titles. I've also finished the general flow. About 90% of the characters have been created. Currently creating the scenes for the chapters. I'm hoping to finish it by January 2008.

THANK YOU (from verse 2)

Thank you for the times you helped me up
Each time I was about to just give up
Thank you for putting a smile on my face
Each time I felt I was such a disgrace

Thank you for always being patient with me
Each time I was annoying as can be
Thank you for always being there
Each time I needed someone who cares

Thank you for being very understanding
Each time I seem to be very demanding
I’d like to say to you that I’m very grateful
And these are the reasons why I’m thankful

Thank you for being sweet and thoughtful
Thank you for being loving and faithful
Thank you for being kind and caring
Thank you for being considerate and sharing

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me
Thank you for never ceasing to love me
Words aren’t enough to express my thanks to you
But once again I’d like to say a very sincere thank you

MAYBE THIS TIME (from verse 3)

Since you left me all alone on this cruel place
I’ve kept on praying that one of these days
When chance will let us see each other
Maybe this time we’ll stay together

If I believed in miracles, on wishes coming true
Will there be a chance for us to get back and start anew?
I’ll keep on taking my chances, I’ll keep on hoping
That maybe this time there’ll be a silver lining

I’ve been constantly dreaming of you ever since
Please won’t you let me once again be your prince?
I wish you can hear my sincere plea
And maybe this time it will end happily

I’ve been so lonely, the days seem so empty
It seems time has stopped for me, the seconds pass so slowly
I don’t know if I would ever see fate smile
So that maybe this time it’ll last longer than a while

Ever since you decided to go on with you life
I’ve kept on hoping that someday, sometime
When our paths cross again, yours and mine
Our love might last, maybe this time

FRAGMENT (from verse 5)

My heart lies shattered in a thousand shards
Though I tried to shield it with sigils and wards
Pieces of it you brought with you when you went away
The only hope of fixing it is if you decide to return and stay

Living as a fragment, unable to be complete
Bombarded by thoughts of giving up, accepting defeat
Becoming whole again is an ungraspable dream
That blurs as each day passes through the time stream

Monday, August 13, 2007

NEVERENDING TEARS (from verse 6)

Tears continually flow from my eyes
I know they will never stop just like time
Every night brings recurring dreams of our happy days
Every morning brings tears flowing down my face

Thoughts of death fill my mind
For it would free me from this world that’s so unkind
Yet as these thoughts form my vision blurs
Tears fall down like cascading rivers

Talking with you bring a smile to me
For at least I could pretend we could still be
But as I talk to you I can’t stop the pain
Tears run down for a love that ended in vain

I know my eyes will never clear
I know they will always be filled with tears
From the day you left me, till the day I die
Neverending tears will accompany your words of goodbye

I MISS YOU (from verse 2)

Every night I feel restless
My thoughts of you seem endless
As the days seem to go on forever
I’m missing you more than ever

Time seems to pass by very slowly
And with each passing second I grow weary
For I want to feel your arms around me
And your lovely face I want to see

I miss your smile, your laughter
I miss the happy times we shared together
I miss your sweet kiss, your gentle touch
These are just a few things that I miss so much

Every morning as I wake up I think of you
And knowing I won’t be able to see you makes me blue
For you’re the love of my life, my one and only
And you’re the only one that can bring happiness to me

I hope we can see each other soon
For I’m tired of looking at the moon
I can’t survive another day without you
So please let me see you cause I really miss you

I'LL BE OVER YOU (from verse 1)

Now I must face the reality
That it’s over between you and me
I guess I didn’t see I coming
I always thought it would end in a happy ending

But now that it’s over between us
I guess I should get over you very fast
But I still can seem to get you out of my mind
And I still dream of you every night

Some say I should just move on with my life
They say I’ll find someone else, it just takes time
Though I know what they say is true
I still can’t get over you

Maybe time is all I need
For all my wounds to be able to heal
Someday soon I know I’ll be over you
Someday soon I know I won’t feel blue

As soon as my heart stops hurting
As soon as my tears stop falling
As soon as I’ve found someone new
Then that’s the time I’ll be over you

DISILLUSION (from verse 5)

What I once knew to be true is now a lie
Love that was supposed to last forever suddenly died
Promises were broken, trust was shattered
Yet not a word was said, no reasons were spoken

Wallowing in this state of disillusion
Filled by conflicting emotions, dominated by confusion
Never again can I believe in the sanctity of love
For pain so deep envelops me and my faith is robbed

Sunday, August 12, 2007

FRIENDS (from verse 3)

Friends are very rare treasures
Their worth is very hard to measure
They help you when you’re in trouble
And their intentions are very noble

Friends cheer you up when you feel sad
They are there to lessen your anger when you get mad
They encourage you to do your best
Especially when you’re tentative to take a test

Friends stay with you through the rough times
And they make you hold your head up high
They sometimes make you do crazy things
But look at the smiles and laughter it brings

True friends these days are very hard to find
Seldom will you find people who are good and kind
But once you find people whom you’ll call friends
You’re very lucky for they will stay with you till the end